26 December 2007

The break that wasn't

Here's the thing...
Winter break between semester is supposed to be a time to recharge. I know this, but this break has been anything but restful. First there was the "ICE STORM OF THE CENTURY". My parents and sisters (who have moved back to the city) lost power on Monday and were forced to spend the night in my little apartment. My finals were cancelled, but my sisters still had to study for and take theirs. Imagine trying to do that in a crowded one bedroom apartment. Having my family over wasn't bad at all. It was kinda fun. When I was very young I remember living in a tiny one bedroom apartment. It didn't seem tiny then, but looking back it couldn't have been much bigger than my apartment now.

No, having my family over was no big deal. On Friday I received an emergency call, " All available personnel were needed at the shelter." Huh? Then it hit me. I had signed up for the medical reserve corps months ago, and then forgot about it. I had never attended any of the meetings, and had put MRC out of my mind. So the call was kinda out of the blue. Anyway they needed volunteers at the shelter so I showed up.

I was not prepared. Everyone from the homeless to middle class families who ran out of money for hotels were camped out next to each other. All races, all classes, all temperaments. People were checking in and checking out. Everybody anxious about when they could get home.

The convention center was turned into a makeshift shelter for four hundred people. Cots were lined up in rows. Families in the center, single men on along one wall, and single women along the opposite wall. Another huge hall was set up as the common room/ cafeteria. Four flat screen tv's were on at all times. There was a child care center set up by the Baptist Convention. They also provided all of the food. There was a police command center with computer banks and squawking radios. The Red Cross had set up the actual shelter and were checking people in and out. MRC and EMSA shared another room there curtained exam rooms, a makeshift dispensary, paramedics, nurses, mental health workers, doctors, medical students, and general volunteers (like me) taking turns responding to any challenges. Rounds were made. Minor and major emergencies were taken care of. A lot of people getting breathing treatments, needing things for minor aches and pains. There were diabetics who hadn't taken their medications for days, and who had blood sugar levels over three hundred. Broken arms and fractured legs. Elevated blood pressures. A stroke. A heart attack. A girl went into premature labor. A woman hadn't moved for a day and a half ( she was fine). Bipolar boy who was definitely in the manic phase. Infections for which we did not have and could not get antibiotics because the infections weren't considered life threatening (yet). A few people who needed new clothes, because of incontinence. (Guess who had to clean all of that up.) All of that in the first two hours I was there. The shelter was in it's fourth day.

There were many people who had run out of their medication, and the shuttle service that was set up took some home or to a pharmacy if they had their rx and money. There were a lot of people that didn't have the money and they went without. Went without necessary but not really necessary medications. I mean how much harm can going without your blood pressure medication for a few days do? There were some that went to the ER.

There were doctors volunteering part of the time, but there were only nurses and paramedics when I was there....well there was that first year medical student. Yeah.
The volunteers were awesome and many of them knew one another. I was very impressed by the way things were being run.

Everybody was surprisingly calm and gracious. People were nice to each other. Friendships were made. Apparently romance was also in the air I know of two couples that met at the shelter and subsequently left together. There was one lady who tried to guilt me into running errands for her talking about mysterious illnesses and what not....I'm so past being gullible.

I was exhausted by the end, but it was a good kind of tired. The tired you get when you feel like you actually did something to make a difference.

But.....that was just the first week of break.

Friday in my haste to get to the hospital to see a client I did something stupid, but she died right there holding my hand. So my stupidity doesn't matter.

Malls opened early and stayed open late the weeks leading up to Christmas. I had promised to help my mother at her store. Compared to what she does day in and day out, open to close my little contribution was paltry. I was falling asleep on my feet by the end of all of it.

Christmas day was spent in meetings for Golden Voyage. Today I went to work and did work for this Sunday. I can't wait for school to start.

Oh yeah I finished my Thesis survey.

But i feel useful for the first time in a long time.

31 August 2007

This is what I get for being all poetical the last time.

There is a 1 billion lightyear wide 'void' of nothingness in the universe!

Radio astronomers have found the biggest hole ever seen in the universe. The void, which is nearly a billion light years across, is empty of both normal matter and dark matter. The finding challenges theories of large-scale structure formation in the universe.

That sound? It's me crashing to earth.

You can't take the sky from me

Ever look at the sky? On a clear night it's a blanket of sparkles. I'm not much for constellations and naming stars. I know the sun. I know the moon. I can usually tell the difference between a star and a planet.

I look out and see the infinity. I can see the past, y'know. I can see the possiblities for the future. We may be here or not here, but that vast beyond that cannot be described as nothingness or a void, will always be there. Some may speak of an elastic universe or a finite universe, but that doesn't matter. It won't end. It's God and Creation.

I have a strong belief that there is life out there in the vastness. We can't be so very self-centered and believe that we are the only ones in all of creation.

So no matter where I go, I'll can look up and get away.
You can't take the sky from me.

26 August 2007

Wal-mart

I was the only shopper at walmart today. Yes I'm serious. It was surreal. It was also 4.30 in the morning, so it felt like just me and the dedicated employees of the 24 hour mega mart. They're not very friendly first thing in the morning.

Also, I've fallen into the cultural black hole that is "Desperate Housewives". I tried to hold off for as long as I could. I remember being appalled when I first learned about the show. The title sounded so vulgar and crass; so Soapy. I avoided it at every turn. Then I heard that one of my favorite actors, Nathan Fillion, was going to be a regular on the show next season. So I tuned in tonight and was surprised. It was funny, it was layered, it was weird, and maybe just maybe there is something to all the hype. I mean I gave Gray's Anatomy a chance didn't I. Currently I'm watching season 3 online. (Don't judge)

Going back to the thesis.

24 August 2007

the good and the bad

Here's the thing.

Good news: the transcript thing got fixed. I'm applying to medical school. All of the people I love in my life are doing well.

In other news
I have severe writer's block. I cannot seem to get the story I have in my head onto paper!

I can not be motivated to do anything at all. Not school work not housework, not reading or writing....

This lethargy thing feels so debilitating.

oh well maybe next time i'll be more peppy!

22 August 2007

Yaad

Here's the thing.

I've been doing this HIV presentation thing for almost a year now. One would think that I would have the giggles and slips of the tongue under control. Yeah one would think. I still feel like a complete adolescent when someone asks what a dental dam is and I have to explain. Ugh the agony...or when I'm being totally completely serious and telling the crowd that they must take charge of their lives. Being HIV free is their choice. If they don't get educated they are playing with themselves and their lives...this got a really big laugh...they rolled on the floors y'all and it took me a while to get it.
I thank God for MAC, and that I'm not fair complexioned. Meanwhile, I think this is one my best presentations.

Other things that have gone wrong? Well there was that tire of mine that blew out. That was fun. My transcript thing isn't settle even thought I've been assured that it's an A I got in the class and not an F (an F in and ethics course what does that say about me?) ...there's also some stuff about betrayal and what not but then you'll accuse me of being all drama.

Thesis research is coming along nicely. Applications to my various schools have been sent out. After a wicked busy summer, I'll be settling into a wicked busy fall. Serenity Collectors Edition is out and I should get mine soon! I've two copies so if you want one just ask and I'll give it you.

Get onto facebook and add me as a friend if you are serious about keeping in touch. I'm excited about Golden Jubilee. Hopefully I will be able to serve this year. It doesn't matter in what capacity as long as I can do something useful.




This is a magical year, y'all. Let's make the most of it.

Ye dil tum bin kahee lag ta nahi hum kya kare?

02 August 2007

Summer TV

Remeber when summer tv was a wasteland of reruns, infomercials, reality tv, and mini series by the big three networks? Well not anymore my friends. Thanks to the advent of cable tv and the creativity one must put into cable programming so that people will watch, shows such as Eureka, Psych and Monk make summer tv so much more bearable (sp?) and watchable. They are all available on itunes,too.
Like light summer novels these shows are not all dark and angsty. Neither weighty nor too deep. They are plain fun escapist entertainment. Great to wind down after a long summer day full of fun or not so fun stuff.
I highly recommend all three.

03 May 2007

Disgruntled? Of course not! I'm completely gruntled.

OH MY GOD! How much am I hating my job right now? Now don't get me wrong. The job in and of itself is good. I like what I do. The actual job, when there is something to do is great. I like working with people. The counseling and the testing and the educating...great. What I am completely HATING is the coordinator. A friend once told me that I was passive-aggressive, that I never just came out and said what I was thinking or feeling or whatever. I agree that at that particular time with that particular person I exhibited passive-aggressive tendencies. Fine. I own up to that, but my behavior was nothing compared to that of my supervisor. Seriously, it's as though there is always something that can be done better or was not done correctly...by me. Case in point: I had failed to check a specific box on a form in a particular chart. She was entering the chart into the system. When she came across that she called me away from my ACTUAL JOB for me to fix it. That may not seem bad, everybody makes mistakes right? Right. I'm not perfect, and neither is she...which she would know if I ever pointed out all of the slight clerical errors in her paperwork. Now this may seem childish, but she is forever ragging on everybody else. So and so did this wrong. So and so can't fill out a form. Ugh! Sly and manipulative. I thought I had met every sort of person, but I had never met anyone like her. I learned yesterday that she has been complaining to our supervisor about my lack of work ethic. ME! Seriously! I cannot believe this. There is such a strong possibility that this woman will get me in trouble that I get stressed out! I haven't been able to move my neck for the last two days! Yes, I'm using exclamation points! Don't even start! Also, she is forever trying to show me how smart she is. Ummm....I don't care! I so cannot wait until I get my degree and move onto what I am really supposed to do with my life.

It's karma.
I should have told my sister how much I love and respect her, but I never did. Now, it's too late. I should have told my friends the importance they held in my life, but I didn't and now...well...

Oh...Lord...please let this my acceptance come soon! I also want to win the lottery, and get my book published.

Oh, and to complete this week! Yes. The whole wedding, getting married thing is a go. I don't know how I can get myself out of this one.

25 April 2007

to you moms

This is just to let you know that when you come up to me and ask for a favor because your kid won't "learn" from you I don't believe you and I think that you are totally not doing your job as a parent. There I said it (in the anonymity of the interweb).

Your kid learns from you all the time, especially when you aren't looking. So if your kid is acting up, it really is your fault: because in my experience most kids are very understanding if you treat them like people and talk to them rather than yelling at them all the time. Of course the kid won't sit still when you forcibly have her sit with you then try to drill some boring bit of "knowledge" into her brain. You're not being any fun and are scary, so the kid will try to get away. Also, comparing your child to someone else is not going to make him try harder, so quit it. Your kid is friggin' unique for a very good reason. Let him be that way.

That being said hugs and great big smiles work wonders, as do words of encouragement and appreciation. A "good job" , 'thank you', 'your so special' work wonders on most kids. But see you have to know when to praise and when to teach. If your kid is doing something wrong don't yell at her, but don't praise her for being your perfect princess either. Teach her in a gentle, understanding manner.

So, no, I will not teach your kid manners and I definitely am not potty training that monster you call a two year old. But if I see your kid doing something stupid I'm calling him and you on it. So heads up!

Good luck with everything!

23 April 2007

Bismillah

Bismillah
It's the habit of yours to walk slowly.
You hold grudge for years.
With such heaviness, how can you be modest?
With such detachments, do you expect to arrive anywhere?

Be wide as the air to learn a secret.
Right now your're equal portions clay
and water, thick mud.

Abraham learned how the sun and the moon and the stars all set.
He said, No longer will I try to assign partners for God

You are so weak. Give up to grace.
The ocean takes care of each wave till it gets to shore.
You need more help than you know.
You're trying to live your life in open scaffolding.
Say Bismillah, In the name of God,
as the priest does with a knife when he offers an animal.

Bismillah your old self
to find your real name.
It's time to start again. Can't go forward until the past is let go. I just found my Rumi book o' poems, Bismillah struck a chord. So...
Let's move forward....Bismillah

07 March 2007

Cultural Sensitivities

Lately I've had an opportunity to interact with all sort of different people. From my experiences I have learned that not everybody has a sense of humor. Not everybody understands my sense of humor. In fact, precious few actually 'get' what I say. That is just depressing. And, NO it is not a cultural thing. This spans cultures, ethinicities, and sexual orientation. Oh well I guess I'm just destined to be misunderstood.

My job has me doing a lot of field work in places I never thought I would ever visit. Last night was a presentation and testing at rehab in the middle of nowhere. There were eighty men six months into an eighteen month in-patient treatment schedule. It was interesting. Okay, it was other things than just interesting. It was a learning experience. There were all types of men there: professionals, minorities, guys that just seemed down on their luck. There was boy that had just turned 18.

After the initial education presentation, there was a private and confidential one-on-one. The stories were just heartbreaking, but ultimately they all had realized that they needed help and they had found their way to this treatment center in the woods ( which does not have many outside lights. A difficult time was had in getting back to the car.)

I also learned that the guys at my old school are more conservative than the girls. Frat boys that came in talking the talk, obviously didn't walk the walk. I know no judgement, but hey I'm still learning. And NO I'm not stereotyping...gah...you should hear what they talk about when waiting for a test. Disgusting. Collecting data and whatnot. Health Fairs are the best for collecting data and learning about the human condtion. *g*

Tomorrow night: Health Fair at a charter school. This should be fun.

And speaking of culture and background and experience how does one plan a successful wedding that incorporates aspects from different cultures? Is it a good idea have friends and family from different cultures at the actual wedding ceremony or should they just be invited to the reception? What about all of the pre-wedding ceremonies? Should there be programs with descriptions of the ceremonies? Or am I just over-thinking this? Eesh!

Also, I think my gaydar's broken.

Until next time

06 March 2007

everything that changes stays the same

I went on my first field test today. All by myself. It was at my old school. I never miss places, because I know that I can still have contact with the people I have met at those places. This was different. I don't keep in contact with anyone anymore. Not from there, and when I drove into the parking lot I was hit with such a feeling of longing that I was a little queasy and unsteady on my feet.

It's funny what a place can do to a person. The place is still the same, and if you don't pay attention the people all look the way they did way back when, but it isn't the same. The kids are all different. Trying to get somewhere, but ending up looking back at what was. Looking to the future, while forsaking the present.

It took me a few minutes, but I figured out who I was and what I was supposed to do. My time there was unremarkable. I went back to the office, and it was like I had crossed over into another universe. That ever happen to you? It has never happened to me before today, and I'll make sure it never happens again.

17 January 2007

Little Mosque on the Prairie

So someone finally figured out that muslims and all of our problems are universally funny.
The CBC in Canada premiered "Little Mosque on the Prairie" last week and I finally found clips. Check out the link. It is so very funny.

And it's the scientist guy from " My Secret Identity", so it has to be cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu2-lXDe2to